Expecting Gratitude - A Look At The Realities At The Other End Of Gratitude

Expecting Gratitude - A Look At The Realities At The Other End Of Gratitude

Yesterday I wrote an Article about having Gratitude for the Small things in Life.

There is a lot of great Research that has shown that having Gratitude has a lot of Psychophysiological Benefits for us as Humans.

But what about being on the Receiving End of Gratitude?

In Polite Society, we are told that when others do nice things for us, we should show Gratitude by saying things like, "Thank You."

It can feel Amazing to Receive that Gratitude from Others.

But what happens when we Do "Not" Receive Gratitude for what we do for Others?

Well, a friend of mine recently asked a question about this.

"Is it wrong to expect someone to show a little gratitude towards what we do for them? Especially when no one would do what we do for them?"

This is a deep question that is worth investigating further.

Now, as I mentioned before, most people live in a "Polite Society".

Within these types of Societies, there are Rules that are taught to us when we are young, and which become Unspoken but still Expected as we get older.

So, Parents often tell their children, "Say Thank You."

Which the response is that the child, often begrudgingly, says, "Thaaank Yoou."

As we grow up, we are told to say this less, and often just Expected to continue doing it.

We generally also Assume that Others will Maintain these Unspoken Rules.

So is it "Wrong" to Expect Others to Show Gratitude?

I would say No, it isn't "Wrong" to Expect Gratitude.

We are Taught, usually from a Young Age, that we "Should" Receive Gratitude when we Do Kind Things for Others.

But this Question is Significantly Deeper than the Answer I've Just Given.

See, we Live in a Real World, with a Lot of Factors to take into Consideration.

For Instance, Many of Us are in Significant Dis-Stress in our Lives.

So, sometimes our Focus is so Entrenched in the Dis-Stress we are Experiencing in a given moment that we may have a Lapse in "Societal Protocols".

I've been guilty of it just as much as any other person - Thinking about the Problems I'm facing, someone does something nice such as a Store Clerk helping me with a problem, and I Forget to say "Thank You".

An Hour Later you're at home thinking, "Oh, I was kinda rude, wasn't I?"

We've all been there, none of us are perfect, and all we can do is try to be better next time.

However, based on the Sub-Context of the question, I do Not Believe that the person in Question is having a "Momentary Lapse".

Rather, it seems like this is a Long-Term Situation that has been going on, where One Individual has been doing things that are Kind and "Worthy" of Receiving Gratitude, but the other Person "Consistently" Does Not Give Any Gratitude.

So, how do we go about this Situation?

Well, there are still Multiple Things to Consider Here.

One thing is that even "if" we are Taught to "Expect" Gratitude, does Not Mean we should Do Things for Others "Just" To Receive Gratitude.

From a Psychological Standpoint, this can Create an Unsustainable "Exchange" Expectation that can become Problematic over time.

For Instance, you "Do" things for Others, and they Never Intend to Reciprocate.

Or Perhaps Worse, Others Do Things For You, and then "Pressure" You to Reciprocate.

This kind of Relationship (Romantic or Platonic) can become Extremely Toxic over Time.

To avoid this, and I'm going to caveat this in a moment, something we should seek is to Do Kind Things not to "Receive" Gratitude, but because we "Want" to Do The Kind Things.

When we "Choose" to do Kind Things, and Never "Expect" Anything in Return (even if we are "Trained" to Expect It), we Take Away the Exchange Problem.

Now, here's the Caveat.

We Should Not be Kind to the Point where "We" are Being Taken Advantage Of.

Some People will Use and Abuse us out there, as sad as that Reality is.

We Cannot be "Blind" to that Reality.

I "Have" been Blind to that Reality, so I "Know" how Difficult it can be to Experience.

But if we are Blind to Reality, we open ourselves up to the Use and Abuse.

So, if you Feel you are being Taken Advantage of, get out of that Situation.

I Know that this "Can" be Extremely Difficult, as it is often the Case that the Person Using and Abusing us is someone we "Want" to Care About.

A Parent.

A Romantic Interest or Spouse.

A Long-Time Friend.

Even A Child.

These are not always Situations we can easily just "Walk" Away from, but there are Ways to Change these Situations and get Out of Them, and there are People and Organizations who can Help Us Accomplish That.

Though we should do things out of the Kindness of our Hearts, it doesn't mean we should be Taken Advantage of for our Kindness.

Perhaps, there is one more thing to Consider within this situation, and it can be the Most Difficult of Lessons.

Sometimes, the only way People "Learn" is to go through Life the Hard Way.

Something that I sometimes see is that Individuals Help in these types of Situations "because" they Care and Do Not want another to Suffer or Be Alone.

It is Admirable, but it can also end up becoming Enabling.

If it Does become Enabling, the person Receiving "Help" is Not Truly Helped.

They generally just "Maintain" their Problematic Behavior, often Not Even Realizing it is Problematic.

Truly, some people live in their own Worlds, Unaware of what they Cause.

That is... until they have Nothing.

Sometimes, as hard as it can be to "Do", refusing to Enable is the Greatest Gift we can Give.

At the Very Least, it allows you to Leave the Situation and Protect Yourself which is Beneficial to yourself.

You cannot Change People, but you can give them an Opportunity to Decide to Change for Themselves.

Sometimes "Rock Bottom" is what a Person Needs to Decide to Change.

Again, this is not "Easy", but sometimes it is the "Best" Option.

As I said, this Question about Expecting Gratitude is Deeply Complex and Difficult to Answer.

It can also be difficult to discover the best path as Every Situation will be Different, so I recommend working with a Professional to help you figure out how best to Proceed.

To Give and Have Gratitude can be Such a Simple Thing, but Gratitude as a whole aspect of Psychology is Extremely Complex.

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