Written by a human, for humans, always.
Most people say they want some sort of change to happen in their lives...
That they have a desire for some improvement to occur.
But this is the harsh reality that most people need to hear...
They do not know how to change.
They believe they do...
But if they actually know how to make the changes they wanted...
They would have already done it.
When people actually want change...
And they know how to do it...
They will.
If they want change...
And are not making any real progress toward making it happen in their lives...
The problem, whether they realize it or not, is that they do not actually know how ot make that change happen.
What most people do when this happens...
Is to first attempt to make changes based on the common advice that exists in the world.
They create resolutions, make announcements, tell themselves this time will be different...
They go to Google, social media, and buy popular books around the topic of the change they are seeking...
They go through all the normal pathways...
Then when they all fail...
They either give up...
Or they begin to look for an outside savior who, frequently, does not deliver.
The problem is not lacking a desire to change...
The problem is that you do not know how to change...
You do not realize what is actually in the way and preventing you from changing...
And everything and everyone that you have gone to fails to understand your real challenges...
Plus, they are usually only "experts" who have been trained in the same "tried and true" methods that have been failing people for decades or longer...
All supported by echo chambers and the illusory truth effect with "examples" from individuals who changed, but not for the reasons they believe they changed...
Which is why just about everyone else who follows those methods also fails...
But the psychological biases at play begin to make those who fail become gaslit and "believe" that "they" are the problem...
When the reality is simply that you do not know how to change...
Not within your specific context.
This is the first challenge at play.
Most people believe they actually know what their problem is...
But there is actually a completely different problem at play that they are unaware of.
The person who believes their diet is the problem, when the real challenge is their emotions driving them to eat certain foods.
The person who struggles to find a good place to work, when the real challenge is that they bring their fears into the workplace and project them onto others.
The leader who believes that a new strategy is needed for success, when the real challenge is that their workforce is in burnout, psychophysiologically unable to perform any strategy.
The challenge that most people encounter...
Is that they chase red herrings when they want change...
They focus on information that is misleading and ask the wrong questions.
What happens, naturally, when you focus on the wrong informationa nd ask the wrong question?
You miss the important information and get wrong answers.
You fail to change.
It is not a moral failure or a physical incapability...
It is simply a failure to understand how change occurs within your specific context.
I have never met a person who could not change...
Only people who either lacked an understanding of what was preventing their change in their specific context...
Or people who did not have a deep enough desire to change.
The latter category has the capacity to change...
But if you're unwilling to change, then there is nothing that anyone can do to help.
I have met many good people who simply did not have any real motivation to change, and so they do not.
That tends to be very rare, though, because few people who do not actually want to change go to see others for help to change.
(Most of these individuals I encountered were on teams, and their bosses/employers/leaders put them into coaching groups "expecting" them to change, but the individual was content with where they were.)
When people do not want to change, they won't.
But...
If there is a legitimate desire to change...
What ends up holding a person back is that they do not know what it is they need to change in their lives...
The problems behind the problems they are focused on...
What they believe needs to change versus what is actually driving what they want to change.
They want change...
But they misdiagnose themselves...
The advice they seek follows the misdiagnosis...
And the people they encounter for help are so focused on what "they" do that they miss what the individual actually needs.
Many good-hearted people in the world who seek to help others miss what others actually need because they have been trained to see the world in a specific way that ends up preventing them from seeing the reality in front of them.
The end result...
Is that the desired change does not occur...
And sometimes things become worse because the real challenges remain unresolved...
Plus, new challenges are created from the misdiagnosis...
Not to mention the psychological and physiological barriers that are created each time we fail to obtain the results we hope for.
The loss of hope and trust.
The creation or reinforcement of memory capsules.
Anger and frustration that things are the same.
Increased pressure and stress from the desired change not happening in the desired timeframe.
These become further barriers that need to be understood for change to occur in the future...
On top of the challenges that were already there before.
To create real change...
We need to figure out how to ask the right questions...
And figure out what the problems behind the problems we are focused on really are...
Which is something most people do not know how to do...
Which is why most people do not know how to change.
But change is possible.
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